My friend wrote about a different perspective of adoption today on her blog...I could not of written it any better, so I asked if I could "borrow" part of her post, she graciously said yes! Thanks, Lisa.
Here is part of her post:
No child who has been adopted has had a beautiful, wonderful life. The kids have come to this place in their lives from such loss that most people, including myself, may never experience. Think about it. You were born to a family who couldn’t or wouldn’t take care of you, into poverty or abuse or health crisis or neglect. You were torn from everything you’ve ever known – even if it wasn’t that great to begin with, and sent to – or left at – an orphanage or a strange foster home. You lived there for several months or a couple years – sometimes having visits with your biological parent(s), which confused you a lot. Then after living in that orphanage or foster home, you were yet again torn away from what you know – that you may or may not have gotten used to – and sent somewhere else strange to live. They eat different foods. They look different. They may speak a different language or maybe a few words that you know but they don’t understand you. There are two parents who tell you they love you and you’re safe (what’s that?!?). You’re scared, confused, vulnerable, sad, angry. You are grieving all you’ve lost in your short life. You wonder if these new people will stick this time, and if not, when your next move will be. You start to trust them, ever so slightly, only for those fears to creep back in. They try to help you understand, and tell you again that it’s safe, that they’re here for you, they’re your forever family. It seems that maybe, just maybe, these new parents are in this for the long haul… maybe. Can I trust them?
Adoption is messy. It’s not easy. The cycles of grief and renewing trust and hope and love, repeat themselves day after day, month after month, year after year with some kids. The kids aren’t lucky. But I understand the comment, and I don’t fault people making that comment. I may have said the same comment to others prior to adopting myself – or maybe even since adopting, before I had a chance to think through my own thoughts on my children’s pasts. I know the comment comes from a lack of understanding, of not knowing – or maybe even not wanting to know – the messy details. (It’s not appropriate for adoptive parents to share all of their children’s messy details with everyone anyway.) I’m a non-confrontational person, so instead of responding with the big long explanation, I usually respond with some variation of, “Well, they’re God’s blessing to us, and I pray we’re a blessing to them.” Because that’s what you mean. You’re not thinking about what was in their past that brought them to us. You’re thinking of what could be possible for them in the future that may not have been possible had they remained in their previous situation. Our children, we pray, have a bright future ahead of them. We pray every day that the Lord guide us to help them in their healing and trusting, and learning to love again, and achieve their full potential of what God has planned for them, after their lives were shattered at such a young age.
Feel free to visit Lisa's blog, it's a great read!
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